killing fields

the other day we went to Tuol Sleng (S-21) and the "Killing Fields" both from the reign of the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot. S-21 used to be a school and was used as a detention and torture center to get "information" from it's prisoners before they were then killed (typically 2-5mos later) at the Killing Fields. in the prison most were chained to the floor or wall in 2-1/2ftx 6ft cells before they were sentenced to their death of bludgeoning or beheading. the khmer rouge wanted their victims to suffer slow deaths so they didn't use bullets or knives, but in beheading used the serrated edge of a sugar palm frond. sick. as i've mentioned before, this history is all so fresh: the warden of S-21 is only now on trial (the first of 5 to be tried) and at the Killing Fields (which was where many locally were taken to be killed and left in heaps in ditches) there were still bones, teeth, and clothing embedded into the dirt! but what was so astonishing for me was that when we asked about the prosecution of the other khmer leaders and torturers, our guide told us that there was none and that they are out living their regular lives alongside families they have affected. when asked how people can stand to live and work next to the men who so ruthlessly killed their families and country, our guide replied, "the only way to end revenge is to not revenge" and so daily they live an unbelievable act of forgiveness... which again reminds me of a passage i read in Shantaram, which i'd like to share again with you:

"What characterizes the human race more, Karla once asked me, cruelty, or the capacity to feel shame for it? I thought the question acutely clever then, but I'm lonier and wiser now, and i know it isn't cruelty or shame that characterizes the human race. It's forgiveness that makes us what we are. without forgiveness, our species would've annihilated itself in endless retributions. without forgiveness, there would be no history. without that hope, there would be no art, for every work of art is in some way and act of forgiveness. without that dream, there wuold be no love, for every act of love is in some way a promis to forgive. we live on because we can love, and we love because we can forgive."

despite the atrocious sights and stories i learned at the Killing Fields and S-21, i still cannot fathom the breadth and depth of it. i looked at their photos, read their histories, closed myself in their cells, and even still i cannot feel the empathy or sympathy that i feel like i should feel. and for that i feel utterly heartless, cold, and guilty (though of what, i cannot pinpoint). i know the horrors, but can't feel the horrors. perhaps it would be even more insensitive of me to purport to know even an inkling of what they went through. but nothing in my life could prepare me for even a sliver of the despair, pain, and death they experienced. nonetheless, i am so sorry for the death of the 3 million in the Khmer Rouge war.

saigon has been no happier of a tourist's experience. after arriving yesterday after lunch time, we went to the war remnants museum, which chronicles and documents the "war crimes and aftermaths foreign aggressive forces caused for Vietnamese people". and if that description (as copied from their pamphlet) doesn't highlight for you the perspective from which all material is presented let me use the words that we have heard used describingAmerica in regards to the Vietnam War: murderous, villainous, devilish, wicked... obviously their view of us (and the perspective presented in the museum) is quite biased... the museum was very interesting though, and some of the stats and images, staggering. for example: the US involvement really began (financially) in the mid 40's by providing aid to the French to help them continue to secure Vietnam as their own. despite it being a French/ Vietnam war, we were actually financing a majority of the expenses! and then as far as the stats of the Vietnam War compared to WWII or the Korean War check out these figures:

length of war: WWII 3yrs 8mos; Korean War 3yrs 1 mo; Vietnam War 17yrs 2mos
military personnel: WWII 16.1m; Korean 5.7m; Vietnam 8.7m
monetary cost of war: WWII $341b; Korean $54b; Vietnam $676b
deaths: WWII 405,399; Korean 36,407; Vietnam 58,159
casualities: WWII 671,849; Korean 103,284; Vietnam 304,000

beyond the history and figures, the most moving aspect of the museum for me was the room that had pictures and stories from families who have been victims of agent orange. in some cases, there were families with 6 out of 7 children having deformities or mental retardations ranging from undeveloped limbs, missing eyes, lacking speach, or biting/eating everything they come in contact with. while there were certainly innocent victims during the VN War (those presumed to be VietCong, when perhaps just innocent bystanders...) the truly innocent were those who were not even born yet and still suffered. even americans or other solidiers who were exposed to agent orange had offspring with deformities; in Australia 1 out of 4 children born from men exposed to the chemical had defects! wow...

and then today we went to the Cu Chi tunnels, which is where the VietCong guerrilla fighters lived. the boobie traps and maze of tunnels was crazy. but we bravely hunched our way through a 60ft long weaving tunnel, scarcely lit and not ventilated! and even with that, we learned that they had expanded them to 2x the size so visitors could go through! i can't imagine literally crawling through a tunnel looking for the enemy! talk about feeling vulnerable!

but the past few days haven't all been morbid and depressing. we also went to a market yesterday after the war museum and then, as i mentioned, had drinks on the roof of the Rex hotel as the sun set. i haven't had Pho yet (their traditional dish) but it is mainly a breakfast dish, so i'll have it tomorrow!!

and sadly, my travel companions have all disbanded to make their ways home. but every good thing comes to an end and when every door closes, another opens! tomorrow i'm meeting with my new group to start the build! another adventure to soon begin!